Posted on

5 Sex Tips to Drive Your Man WILD (Literally)!

Every relationship has its low points. More often than not, sex is the culprit. Whenever my relationships have started to go downhill, I always resort back to these 5 sex tips. It’s my little secret to reel your man back in! Trust me ladies, I’ve saved many relationships this way. Who do I have to thank for keeping everything fresh and dirty? Animals! Animals know their shit. They mate all the time and with a relentless vigor. So I say why not explore your primitive instincts and find the animal in you!

With these 5 tips you will be sure to drive your man into the wild and back into your heart.

1. Ass Cleavage

Guys appreciate a good courtesy sniff. Believe it or not, the beginning of the ass crack is an erogenous zone most men would never admit to having. They love a little tongue action here (wash up, men-you don’t want a toxic coccyx). Nuzzle it with your nose and inhale deeply. It works on so many levels. It reminds you on a primitive level of the first time the two of you met. It shows your man you accept all of him, even his butt crevasse. It’s also just plain, fucking sexy.

2. Musk is a MUST

Find a pungent scent. I’ve found that perfumes and other fragrances are too floral for most guys. Warning ladies, this could actually be an extreme turn off! Find something musky and rub it all over yourself, paying special attention to areas, such as: behind the ears, on your chest, and between your thighs. My favorite musky scents? Natural sweat is an easy to muster musk. Just enjoy a nice sauna to achieve a nice, used aroma. What does a potted plant have that we don’t? Cram the chrysanthemums aside and smear a bit of dirt on your neck. Soil can be a great way to bait in a wriggling girth worm. Pine scent is another tried and true way to get his attention. Pine Sol is the best way to go. Sometimes,
if I find myself in a hurry, I keep a pine tree car freshener handy in my purse next to my feminine products. Tam-pine? Yes, please!

3. Porcine Role Play

Bring out the animal in your man. The best way to do this is to imitate animals themselves. I take this very literally. Choose an animal for role play. Not just any animal either. Most girls automatically think of assuming the role of a fox, kitten, or dolphin, and they’re wrong. That’s child’s cosplay. What’s the best animal fit to smitten your partner? Most men say pigs are the number one most titillating animal.
Why? Men love bacon. Fry up a slab of your pork belly for breakfast! Go to your nearest party store. Get yourself a plastic pig nose and have yourself a little roll in the mud. Or better yet, go to your local sex boutique where you’ll find the complete sets. The Berkshire, the British Lop, and the American Yorkshire are a few of the more popular options. These sets include costume gear such as pig noses, floppy ears, and curly Q pig tail butt plugs. Or really surprise him with the bore-whore kit: complete with tusks! It’s perfect for bringing out the pig in you. Give him a taste of your slop trough, ladies. Soooooie! Pig, pig, pig, pig!

4. Lactation Sensation

Let’s cut to the chase. Men club surfing and bar hopping are clearly looking for someone to poke a hole in their condom and pop out some babies. It’s time to whip out those udders, ladies! Remind him your glorious globes are for providing nutrition to babies. Obviously not all of us are lactating, but you can still simulate to stimulate. If you don’t have time to craft some sort of over the shoulder milk trickling apparatus, just rub some dairy on those jugs. The smell will drive your man crazy! Also, say something sexy. “If you take me home, you can have your very own dairy farm.” This line is my fun time fail safe. Try out your own to find out what works best for you!

5. Intimidation

Nothing appeals more to a man than a woman who can tear him apart! The animal kingdom is packed with different species whose females destroy their partners after an excellent bout of mating. This is because the males find the danger exhilarating! “Will I make it out alive? I don’t know, and it turns me on!” There are a couple ways to do this. Bloat yourself with salty foods and sugary drinks like soda or juice. This makes you far more irritable, and ready to turn those bitch burners on high. It also helps to appear more dangerous. Go to the gym and work up those biceps. Nothing leads to ecstasy quicker than choking the life out of your man, but no one likes to get strangled by a pair of limp noodles. I also like to keep hazardous objects around the room. Sometimes I’ll make a grab for one, just to keep him on his toes.

About Ashde Temmins

I'm a FAIRY!

One response to “5 Sex Tips to Drive Your Man WILD (Literally)!

  1. Jeb ⋅

    That’s some funny shit right there!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s